If you are grieving I want you to know that you are not alone. Grief can be the loneliest feeling even if you are surrounded by people. I know for myself with each month after Mum’s passing I would be beating myself up for still feeling so awful. After 18 months I got to go to a Grief Support group at church and it was there that I learnt the term to ‘be gentle with myself’ and to treat myself as I would a friend rather than getting angry with myself for still feeling so horrible. I wanted friends to know what to do without me telling them (I know - they’re not mind readers, I couldn’t articulate what I needed, I was too sad) but most people don’t know what to do when someone is grieving and don’t feel comfortable with grief.

I stumbled across this video a couple of years on and WISHED I had had it in my early stages of grief. So if you are grieving hard right now and think it would be helpful send your people over to refugeingrief.com to get them to understand in a gentle way what you need more than platitudes and ‘cheering up’/distracting. Their video is beautiful and simple and short and I loved it, thank you Refuge in Grief for making this.

There are lots of other wonderful and easy access resources on the website Refuge in Grief so hop on over there and take a look.

A friend of my husband's who I have come to know too has set up a blog called Making Lemonade after losing his beloved wife Lauren, who was mother to his beautiful little girl Molly, to breast cancer in August 2020. Sam is incredible at leaning into his pain and processing his grief, he hopes that he can help others through sharing his experiences and journey through social media and his blog. He is also a member of WAY - Widowed And Young "WAY is a UK charity that offers a peer-to-peer support network for anyone who's lost a partner before their 51st birthday – married or not, with or without children, whatever their sexual orientation." To find out more please click the above links.

Around 3 months after Mum’s passing I read a book called ‘Dead Mom’s Club’. It sounds awful but it was written by a comedian and anyone who knows me knows I love comedies so this was a real help to me as a lot of the author’s experiences were similar to mine. Kate says it’s the “Crappiest club in the world” but again this was something that made me feel not alone and others had been through this before me. Available at Amazon.

Talk to people who are able to handle your pain Whether this is a therapist/counsellor or a close friend/family member who is ok with you sobbing uncontrollably and is on hand with tissues. I found it such a relief to be with close people who I didn't have to try and not make them feel uncomfortable with my grieving, and when those people would even cry with me I felt so very seen at the way they held presence with me and entered into deep empathy. Top tip - always carry tissues with you, I learnt on a walk once when a wave of grief hit me out of nowhere and the tears and snot would not stop, not to ever get caught short again! Being able to talk about your favourite memories of your person and have people ask about them or share things they loved about your person rather than avoid talking about them as they don't know how to handle you upset is such a gift.

Growing through Grief

When we think of grief, most of us think of losing someone we love, but grief encompasses all kinds of loss. Whether you’ve lost a loved one or job, are experiencing a difficult move or transition, are feeling hard hit from the effects of COVID-19, or are feeling stuck after a loss years ago, you’ve experienced grief and know it’s not one size fits all. In Growing Through Grief, we’ll sit with each other in our own individual grief as well as find support in our similarities. Over the span of 8 weeks together, this group will serve as a space for comfort, presence in pain, support, and healing. As a trained mental health therapist, Diana Fox will help members find tools for coping and walking through the deep emotional pain of grief. Sign ups open up in the Autumn and this is virtual and in person, so anyone can join. We even had someone from India join us a couple of sessions ago despite us being in Chicago, so if you can handle the time difference and would like to join you are so welcome, no matter where you live. To find out more click HERE.

As of writing this it is 3 years since my sweet Mama passed and although the waves of grief don’t come as frequently as they did, they still come, often randomly. Finding purpose in my pain has been a massive help though, getting alongside others who are grieving and letting them know it’s ok not to be ok and that they are not alone has been a huge healer for my broken heart. One of my closest friends I would probably not have bonded with as soon as we did if it wasn’t for our shared missing of our Mamas. There is so much healing in community. I can say that God has truly given me joy for my mourning and I am so very thankful for this.